i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
