Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
