i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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