I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
