I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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