if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
