Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize