I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
