he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
