Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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