another moral hangover. fuck.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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