She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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