You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
