My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
