I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
