dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
