Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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