I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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