Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
