4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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