get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
