I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
