My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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