just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
