$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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