dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
