She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize