If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
