Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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