OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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