mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
