WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
