Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
