also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize