made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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