Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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