can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
