some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize