be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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