when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
