his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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