the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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