He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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