I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize