'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
