What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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