I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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