dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
