Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
