I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
