would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
