I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
