My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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