I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
