I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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