Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize