I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
