so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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