dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
