You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
