She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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