If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
