and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
