Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
