The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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