We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm at about main and main street
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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