I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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