Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
