You just made me feel so damn special
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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