Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
