Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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