i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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