Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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