ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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