I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize