bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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