Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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