Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
