This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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