i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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