Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone signed my nipple.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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