that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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