Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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