I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
