im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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