I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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