so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
