Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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