i don't like sucking hair
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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