Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
