He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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