How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
