my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
