the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
