it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize