i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
