Already got asked if we're dating
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
