Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
